A Love Letter

Dear Shiloh:

Mommy wants you to know how sorry she is for this week.  It hasn't been easy on any of us, but especially you.  I want you to know that we did what we did because we love you and we know this was the best thing for you.  What did we do?  Sleep training.

Mommy researched several different books and methods, including Dr. Sears, Elizabeth Pantley, Dr. Ferber and Dr. Weissbluth.  Mommy chose Ferber for the middle-of-the-road approach - it seemed doable since, while it required some crying on your part, mommy and daddy could come in periodically to comfort you.  Plus your pediatrician and Ranjamma seemed to have a lot of faith in the method.  Weissbluth was too cruel (he seems to think crying till you vomit is ok - mommy does not agree) and the other ones seemed like it would take months and I didn't want you to have to deal with that.

On the first night you cried for 28 minutes - and my darling it was one of the hardest 28 minutes of my life.  Especially between minutes 20 and 28.  Mommy cried along with you and am even tearing up right now as I think about it.  But you fell asleep, without your pacifier, and woke only at 1AM for a small feeding.  Then you didn't wake until 4:15AM.  The next night you cried for 19 minutes and woke at 4:30AM.  Night number three you cried for 10 minutes and woke at 4:45AM.  And tonight you cried slightly for five minutes.  Whether we like it or not, the method works.       

We still haven't tackled naps during the day yet, but we will.  For now we'll work on the nights and once you've had those down for a couple of weeks, we'll get to the naps.  Plus you may have a regression once in a while - if you get sick or we do some traveling.  So we still have work to do.  

There are so many difficult decisions and sacrifices parents make every day.  We tenderly raise you, thinking way too much about each choice and then one day have to let you go so you can make your own decisions.   Indeed, one day, if we're all so lucky, you'll do the same thing for your daughter and you'll do it out of love as well.

But today, on this quiet evening, I just want you to know that I love you, daddy loves you, and just like the past three mornings, we hope you'll have a big smile for us tomorrow morning. 

Love, Mommy